Paying the “consequence” of “promises” so I could learn that when “drive” I find my own light and feel “the warmth” of the universe, at times I stop to think how “I miss you” and “wish you where here”. Every path you’ve shown me has a “stellar” effect, so “pardon me” while I rise above the flame with the wings you helped me grow.

Don’t worry I know it’s time, “if not now, when”.

~~~~~credit goes to Incubus, for having music that helped change my life. Each word marked is a song Incubus wrote and performed.~~~~~~



I woke this morning and you haunted my dreams, scaring me, threatening me.
My heart pounded, my hands shake.
I sat and dwelled in my head almost like a premonition of what’s to come.
I sat and doubted myself, I sat and almost let it spin me to the dark place within my head.
Then I remembered I have light, I know how to shine, you have no control over me, you have no right trying to steal my light.
I have sat dim for so long and as my heart started to grow, the stronger my heart grew it threatened you, scaring you.
You have no sway on me, come along for the ride and you will see.
I have fought you for so long, keeping you from the place you don’t belong.
I am not weak so I will not allow you to drag me down at my peak.
My light will shine, shine brighter then you can imagine.
I will blind you with my glittering rays, so stay at your dark bays.
I have an army that will fight for me, oh come along for the ride and you will see.
I Believe
I Believe in Me
I Believe in the Light, the Purity, the Love, the happiness, the Passion…
Of all these you don’t and can’t posses.
Don’t try to take mine, it is not for you, only those who embrace it.
The battles I have fought against you, the tears I have cried, the holes I have placed myself in to only find no end to your darkness.
I stand firm now, I am ready, I know I am who carries the light.
So I will SHINE

Happy 16th Birthday Son

16 years ago today April 21, 2011 the most amazing person entered my life. I was a single mom, not sure of anything that was about to happen. After 8 months of worring about this little person growing inside me, when we came into this world, he was perfect. I thank God my mother, sister Karen and step-father Harald where there by my side the entire 16 hours. Over the years as an infant he always exceeded every developmental chart, along with motor skills. At 9 months old he took 5 steps on my 21st birthday, February 9th 1996. He was never a sick baby, always happy and loving. He has had his struggles over the years but what young child hasn’t. When I realized that he was growing up, he was already a teenager. I know I haven’t been the “perfect mother” and I know I have taken some wrong turns with you in the passenger seat, I also know that you wouldn’t have it any other way. You have so many paths ahead already paving through most, even when there are bumps you simple smooth it over or detour. Your gentle heart and your amazing soul make you an unforgetable Human, A gentle giant. I have never loved anything so much in this life as I love you son, when I sit back and think of you I see IMAGINE. I will love you forever, even when we can’t seen to find each other. The imprint you have left on my heart, my life is remarkable. May God bless you as you begin this new day as a man. I am so proud of you Austin. Happy Birthday,


Chronicles of a Crossguard

For sometime I have talked about writing a book about my experience as a school crossing guard. I know that it doesn’t seem that exciting but see if through my eyes and I promise it is more than holding a sign. I started cross guarding in August 2008 to June 2009, I started back in September 2010 to current. I work on Lakeline and Cougar Country in the morning and Lakeline and New Hope in the afternoon. I cross elementary and junior high students with two of the amazing ladies I ever met, Lavenda and Cyndie. Through their encouragement this is coming to light.

Chapter 1 – SLOW DOWN (yes there is a school zone)

In the morning as the world is starting to move and all the busy bee’s are leaving for work, We are standing on the corner waiting to cross children. We know how mornings can be, we are human after all, there are a few (repeat offenders too) that either dismiss the two REALLY BIG blinking yellow lights on a sign that says “SCHOOL ZONE 20 MPH”, or they are running late and try to fly through without being stopped. Let’s start with the drivers who speed, SLOW DOWN, yes that is a school zone and yes there are little children who have to cross the street. We know you’re in a hurry because you either slept in or took to long getting ready, you already know what time you have to be there so why are you still rushing? I will say, even though it is dangerous, speeders are our favorite people to stop, and yes we hold the sign and we can hold it as long as we see fit (properly crossing the kids of course). So maybe next time I would think about leaving just a few minutes earlier because we will slow you down. My favorite is when we see a speeder coming through (can’t yell at them anymore) we look at the driver and look down at their license plates (like we can see it) and watch them step on their brakes as they pass, yes even you Mr. Shifty Eyes, you know when drivers look down to see how fast they are going and try to do it by shifting only their eyes? We see that too! If you have to check your speed I’m 99% positive you are speeding. It’s sad the best entertainment we get is watching the police (which happens on a RARE occasion) pull the habitual speeders over! Double FINE!!!!! What really amazes me is when the drivers give us the look, you know the I CAN”T BELIEVE YOU JUST MADE ME STOP LOOK. Yes, we really just jumped out in the road, while you where speeding already, and help up our little red sign that clearly says “STOP” not “POTS”. We have been cursed at, flipped off, called on and my favorite, the sign runner. I guess they thought the sign said “POTS”, maybe we should be crossing them to walk back to school so they can learn to read again.

My thought for this is “People these are your children we are crossing, making sure they get to school safe so you can relax and not rush.” So please next time SLOW DOWN.

**********if I have spare time in the day or evenings I will post new entries on different (bad, good, funny, sad) experience***********